Accidental S.U.M.O.
Several years ago, a former work associate gave me a book entitled, S.U.M.O. It''s an acrostic which stands for Shut Up, Move On. It's actually quite a good book. The person who gave it to me also gave it to a few other staff members. He was very kind to not single anyone out, but I truly believe it was his passive-aggressive way of telling certain individuals how he really felt. To be honest, I'm not sure he even read the book before giving it to us. I say this because of the obvious inconsistencies in his life concerning what the book taught. The book talked about positive things like not playing the victim card, yet he wore his feelings on his sleeve and had a long list of preferences that he would occasionally imposed on others. The book talked about flexibility and being willing to change the way we think about nonessentials, yet he was probably one of the most negative, rigid people I've ever met. Needless to say, working with this individual was difficult. Here's the irony... For years, I felt like I was in a constant shoving match...against an actual sumo wrestler. To say the least, it was emotionally exhausting.
Have you ever worked on a staff with someone like this? It's no fun! Chances are, every office in America has at least one employee like this. They effortlessly impede progress by simply being themselves. They push all of your buttons without even trying. They mean well, but come across as just plain mean. In his defense, the organization itself had similar qualities that made it equally immovable or "sumo-ish". While it boasted of Gospel exclusivity and exegetical integrity, it was a breading ground for negativity and gossip. It empowered complainers, shunned creativity and was suspicious of methodological diversity. Like my SUMO friend, this organization had a lot of trust issues. Several leaders in this organization had a hard time embracing people that didn't look and act like them. They would affirm you to your face and then tell others how they REALLY felt when you weren't around...OR they would just be passive/aggressive and give you a book.
Here's what I think happened to me. I had become so frustrated with this person's behavior and the organization's dysfunction that I forgot where true change actually comes from. What I didn't realize is that God was actually wanting ME to change. For the longest time, I thought that working at this place was just a grueling exercise in perseverance, but in the end, I discovered a couple of other valuable lessons God wanted me to learn. Here's the first.
I have a very real enemy and surprise...it's not the person (or organization) who happens to be pushing all my buttons.
Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that, "Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens." This is a really hard lesson to learn. Because this person made it hard for me to enjoy ministry, I just assumed that he was my enemy. Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT making excuses for another person's bad behavior and prickly demeanor. Satan does a really good job of using "good" people to do his dirty work, but we have to remember they are not the enemy.
As Christians, we only have ONE enemy.
Satan is my enemy...and he's your enemy too. He's the one we should all be fighting...together. Can the enemy use prickly people to breed an atmosphere of mistrust and disunity? Indeed, and Satan does this all the time, but don't get distracted. Here's what I came to realize; that person was still NOT my enemy. Sure, they need to change...but God wants me to change too. He wants ALL of us to change, which leads me to the next lesson I learned.
There's stuff I did that actually made things worse.
Nobody wants to be part of the problem and everybody wants to be part of the solution. I deluded myself into thinking I was going to be the solution. When I realized that my attitudes and behaviors toward this person were unhealthy, God began to do a work in my own life. After failing at several attempts to reconcile obvious tension with this person (and organization), I resolved to fix them. I said to myself, "I will accomplish what no one else would do. I will set them straight!" Years of dysfunction plagued this organization and I found myself pushing against the Sumo once again. One failed proposal after another, I got even more discouraged. The gossip and mistrust continued and my frustrations gradually increased. "Why hadn't anyone addressed all this baggage in the past? Why won't they address it now?" These questions haunted me. The problem with this mentality is that I saw myself as 100% innocent and my SUMO friend(s) as 100% at fault on every aspect of every issue. Here's another way I tried getting off the hook. I convinced myself that I have "less baggage" than my SUMO friend. At the end of the day, it really didn't matter if I had been more legitimately right on any given issue. It was on me to look at the ineffective ways in which I tried to relate to my brother, and the organization. Jesus made a pretty direct statement about this. "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from my brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5) This passage tells me that it is OK to remove specks from other people's eyes....but we have to begin with our own eyesight. I had a log in my eye and I wasn't seeing clearly. I had something blocking my own vision. I eventually put an actual log on a shelf in my office with this Scripture reference engraved on the side as a reminder that I need to stop judging others. It makes for a great conversation piece. "Hey David, what's that log doing on your shelf?" "Ohh, that's just a reminder that should deal with my own crap before I start looking at yours." It worked!
Long story short, I finally "shut up" and "moved on." I let go of bad behaviors and attitudes that had started to disable me in ministry. I forgave past hurts and confessed sins. Unfortunately, I still had a very hard time working in that environment. I came to the conclusion if I continued working with this person and in this organization, one of two things would happen. I would either become bitter or I would become just like them. Unfortunately BOTH happened. I became bitter and...
I had become that sumo wrestler.
I really didn't set out to become a sumo. Nobody does. It just happens. We get caught up in our unfulfilled expectations and hurt feelings until we blow up into a big blubbery, pride-filled button-pusher. I'm sure as an "accidental sumo," I pressed a few buttons of my own and probably made things a lot worse. I had forgotten all of the values that I had embraced earlier in ministry. Qualities like unity, diversity, creativity and compassion had become things of the past. I would SAY these things were important, but I certainly wasn't ACTING like it. It was best for me to leave. It was best for my family. It was best for that individual and organization. I decided to drop the sumo suit and move on.
While I experienced forgiveness; the reconciliation I had hoped for never came. That used to bother me, but not anymore. I did what I was supposed to. I spoke the truth in love. I sought reconciliation and consistently fought for unity and peace. I accepted responsibility for my bad attitude and SUMO ways. That's all that matters. I did my best. The Bible says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord." (Romans 12:17-19) There it is! I took responsibility for my sumo ways and finally did what my friend suggested years earlier. S.U.M.O. Not bad advice! I'm so thankful that it's never too late to celebrate my freedom in Christ and to recover the joy of my salvation. And it's not too late for YOU either.
Here's a few questions I would like to leave with you. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there someone pushing your buttons? Have you done ALL you can to reconcile with them? Do you see them (or an organization) as your enemy? Have you become part of the problem or is it possible for you to be part of the solution? Is it time for you to speak the truth in love or to just shut up? Is it time for you to stay or move on? Have you done everything you can to make things right and yet you still feel stuck? Pray about it. Trust me...God will give you direction. In the meantime, don't be a sumo...but be willing to Shut Up & Move On.
